Practicing self-compassion

Image from Olgastrelnikova

If it’s one thing I struggle with, it’s having compassion for myself, I find it much easier to have compassion for others instead.

So, what is self-compassion, not to be confused with self-love which is about taking care of your own well-being and happiness. Self-compassion focuses on being kind to yourself, particularly in times of difficulty.

I notice that with myself, my lack of self-compassion derives from not being where I want to be in life and being a perfectionist. When it comes to self-compassion, we sometimes have this belief that if ‘I’m easy on myself, I’ll become complacent or lazy’. Well, this isn’t the case. I read a really intriguing Women’s health article the other day about how practicing self-compassion helps you to make positive changes in your life. So, I wanted to share a few ways to practice self-compassion.

1. Let go of the fear of judgment/ disapproval from others

I sometimes find it difficult to do this, as an ex-people pleaser it’s normal to want to live up to people’s expectations. As humans, we seek external validation which isn’t all bad but expecting or trying to make everyone like you is only going to affect you negatively as you go on throughout life. It’s easier to accept that you won’t be everybody’s cup of tea and that’s ok. We are on this earth to just respect one another and live our lives carefully, we are not here to impress others. I also learned that with people it’s always a ‘dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t’ situation.  We are very complex beings who are never satisfied. If it’s not one thing, it’s the other. So, people are going to criticise you for anything you do, it’s best to accept that you can never please people.

2. Find a new hobby you truly enjoy

Picking up a fun hobby is in some ways liberating because you don’t have to be perfect at it, it’s just something to enjoy. During the lockdown, I picked up crocheting by watching tutorials on YouTube. Learning a new Hobby allowed me to be more patient with myself.

3. Speak to a trusted family member/ friend

There is strength in numbers. Knowing that there are people who may also struggle with self-compassion can help you not feel bad about not being kinder to yourself. You start to realise that you are not alone, you’d be surprised to find out that a lot of people feel the exact same way.   I spoke to my friend about lacking self-compassion and she reminded me of times when she also lacked self-compassion because she was constantly hard on herself. Speaking to her made me feel better about myself.

4. Two Books that I found helpful in practicing self-compassion

The proven power of being kind to yourself-Kristen Neff Ph.D.-

I found the book intriguing because the book emphasises the importance of giving yourself the same caring support that you would offer to a friend in times of need.

  Self-compassion: I Don’t Have to Feel Better than Others to Feel Good

This book was encouraging for me because it focused on generating a greater sense of self-worth from within, it helped me to dismantle the belief that our worth is earned or determined by other people.

Self-compassion is a necessity to life, it can be a hard thing to do but it will be worth it in the long run. So, learn to be kinder to yourself, you only have one life to live!

Written by Atinuke Ayorinde

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